It is currently 8:41 pm and I am sitting down at our dining room table in our two bedroom condo typing this. Lola’s sound machine is coming through on the monitor and the noisy AF dishwasher is going. I just ate dinner on the floor in front of the coffee table with the TV on a re-run of Say Yes to the Dress - an episode I have seen a million times before. Samir, my husband, is out with a co-worker for dinner. When he left at 6:30 I ran through my head how productive I was going to be and yet two hours later this is all I have written. This isn’t because I didn’t want to but because of the host of all the small tasks I needed to accomplish before I felt ok enough to sit down and devote my whole mental capacity on writing this. You know, all the little things that are constantly running through our minds like unload and reload the dishwasher, sanitize your pump parts, wipe down the counters, check the fridge to make sure we have meals for tomorrow, check on the laundry you left in the washer three hours ago - yup its done!
When I asked Samir to proof read the section About Me earlier today his feedback to me was that it was too negative, like being Lola’s mother was all hard work. Doesn’t he know it is? Like are we even living in the same apartment? But in all honesty, while it is exhausting being a new mom (and I am guessing that doesn’t change no matter how deep into motherhood you are), I have never actually been more happy in my entire life. I have stretched. I have grown. I have cried more happy tears than sad. I hope the sentiment of being truly blessed while still keeping the mom life real on here doesn’t get lost - because no matter how many times I am puked on, I wouldn’t trade any of this for anything else in the whole world.
Our beautiful, strong, and most of the time serious little Lola made her grand entrance into the world about 7 months ago and its almost hard for me to remember what life was like before Lola. While it didn’t seem it at the time, life was simpler, straightforward with only yourself to really worry about. Seriously, 12 months ago I was taking a daily Starbucks break while at my full time job, enjoying Netflix marathons on the sofa, and sleeping in as late as I want on the weekends. I should also mention that my husband and I have only been together two years so it really feels like my whole life has done a 180 in a short amount of time. On top of all of that, we are an inter-racial or inter-cultural couple so I am now finding myself learning about and participating in practices I never imagined would become a part of my day to day.
The thought of creating Mommy on Fire came from the need to do something for myself that feels intrinsically Mallory. I haven’t really felt like I have lost myself in the new mommy haze, but I do want to make sure that I do my best to never lose myself. I know that by keeping the best parts of pre-mommy Mallory will actually help me to be a better Mama to our girl. So, here I am pouring my heart out to strangers on the internet (but I do hope one day we won’t be strangers as we create a community here). Prepare yourself to hear all the amazing moments like how and when Lola came into this world and changed our lives forever alongside the moments like when I definitely - and accidentally - licked Lola’s poop off my hand.