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If not me then who?

My whole adult life I have been plus size … sometimes bigger, sometimes smaller. For the most part I have been able to portray some level of confidence in my appearance as I learned to dress my body, do my hair, and slap on some makeup. Of course every time I embarked on a weight loss endeavour it was simply that - lose weight. I wanted to be skinny. My goals were to be able to wear a bikini (news flash - if you have a body, you can wear a bikini), fit into Lululemon leggings, and have the guys at the bar buy me drinks. I admit - all superficial reasons to lose weight and definitely not substantial enough to keep me motivated to make a lasting change. This time its different. This time I just want to be the healthiest version of myself for my family. I want to see Lola grow up. I want to be present for her graduation, wedding, children. These are all reasons that keep me going!

Before getting pregnant I was going to the gym four times a week - I basically lived at Fit4Less! It was so close to the apartment I was renting and I was seeing results. It helped that Samir was into working out too as it kept me motivated. I was actually having fun! Then almost immediately, I was paralyzed by morning sickness. It wasn’t hyper emesis but it was bad enough to be on Diclectin until the day before giving birth. Getting through the work day was marathon enough let alone the thought of dragging myself to the gym. And lets not even mention food. I didn’t have the pregnancy cravings so many people describe but a helluva lot of aversions! Needless to say, healthy living was extremely challenging during Lola’s gestation!

Immediately after giving birth, I felt AMAZING! It was insane how great I felt compared to the dumpster fire I felt like for 9 months. I waited the traditional 6 weeks and then I was back in the gym with the intention of just moving my body - no crazy goals of losing an insane amount of weight. My body had just been through the most intense change and I wasn’t ready for that type of commitment. To be fair, I was already down below my pre-pregnancy weight (that’s what vomiting every day for 3/4 of a year will do to you) however I did have the flattest butt I had ever seen - hello muscle loss! As well, Lola had colic and reflux so there was no sleep happening in my house. I was barely surviving those first few months and moving at the gym was my form of self care.

How in the world was I able to get into the gym postpartum and keep a tiny human alive? I have to admit I am extremely blessed to have Nicci from Iron Empire in my life. She allows me to bring Lola with me and will hold her during my work out. I also gave myself grace so if I was exhausted or just couldn’t get out of the house, I didn’t beat myself up for it.

Now that it feels like we are past the height of sleepless nights and have some semblance of a routine, I feel like its the right time to really commit to transforming into the best version of myself. I am really focusing on shifting my mindset - to not allow the superficial reasons to lose weight to become front and centre. I am striving to love my postpartum body while also pushing myself to be better. I'm working on having an improved relationship with food. I'm doing this all with the support of my husband, family, friends, and of course Nicci. Weekly meal plans and a work out a schedule with Samir have been key tools to help me stay the course.

I now love my body for all that it has done for me and given me, including the best gift ever in my daughter. I know I have been unkind to it in the way that I have fuelled it and spoken about it. I am not perfect. I definitely don’t wake up every day feeling fly but, at the risk of sounding trite, motherhood has changed my outlook. I am in awe of what I have done and I look forward to seeing what I can do. I need to be a shining example of health for my Lola - because if its not me then who?

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