Why will a Costco hotdog make me think of Lola's poop for the rest of my life?
Lola refused to sleep for the first four months of her life. Granted, I wouldn't be able to sleep either if I had stomach acid constantly finding its way into my esophagus. To say that I was more than a little sleep deprived is an understatement. This is an important fact to remember because pretty much anyone could make the grave mistake I did when you're running on fumes!
When Lola was about 2 months old, I thought to myself, I think I am going to brave Costco with her by myself. I stocked the diaper bag, hauled the stroller in the car, and made my way. The whole trip I was beyond proud of myself. Look at me! This brand new mom with a colicky baby out of the house and running errands! I even managed to fit all of the items I was purchasing in the stroller basket and Lola didn't even make a peep the whole time we were there.
By the time I made it to the cash, I decided I deserved a hotdog. I mean, I felt like I really deserved a gold medal but Costco was all out of stock. So I headed on over to the counter and was delighted when I was handed my foil wrapped dog and beverage cup. I strolled over to the condiment island and loaded up my hotdog with ketchup, relish, and mustard. I inhaled the hotdog and rolled out of the Costco parking lot like the rockstar I was (after struggling to get everything back in car while counting down the seconds to a Lola meltdown).
Fast forward multiple hours later, at home, where I am back to being trapped under Lola as she needed to be held all the time. The familiar rumble in her tummy tells me it's diaper change time and of course its poop! I change the diaper, quickly sanitize my hands, and head on back to the rocking chair where I essentially live - when I am not being a badass mom and doing solo Costco runs with my newborn! I look down at my hand and I see a spot of mustard from that glorious hotdog I enjoyed earlier. As if on autopilot I causally lick the mustard off.
Only ITS NOT MUSTARD!!! I indeed did just licked Lola's poop off my hand! I never felt more like a new mother than in that moment - what a rookie mistake! I tried not to puke on my beautiful sleeping angel in my arms as the realization of the fact that I just licked her feces off me hits me. A tear formed in my eye as I came to grips with how disgusting I am. What a lesson! This is how a Costco hotdog taught me one of the most valuable lessons in motherhood - it is no longer safe to lick ANYTHING off of ANYWHERE as it may just be shit!